‘I was an angry young man. Now I help others avoid my mistakes’

Finding a bright future after jail:

After a decade spent in and out of jail, Craig Neesam entered rehab and began a new life mentoring others – in the men’s group ABandOfBrothers, and as a restorative justice practitioner. Now 51, he is about to start a new job as an NHS peer support mentor, working with prisoners. He spoke to Inside Time

Craig, tell us a bit about your background.

I was a misguided, mixed-up, angry young man. I was first sentenced when I was 17, and I kept being sentenced until I was in my late 20s.

I got parole in 2005. My experience before was that I always got pulled back into a dysfunctional lifestyle and I was very angry about everything. I really wanted to work with a Youth Offending Team, but I knew they wouldn’t take me. I wasn’t emotionally ready. They kept on turning down my applications, which made me sad.

I knew I had to change but I didn’t know how to make that happen.

How did things start to change?

I had a serious problem with drugs and drink. I finally went to rehab, and that was the beginning. A lot of self-help followed. I started to learn about myself, and why I was the way I was. I practised the 12 Steps. I became an ‘extra’ for a while – doing a lot of TV and film. I was in EastEnders, as a local in the market or the pub. It was nice for my mum! She was proud that I’d sorted my life out. She’d seen my struggles. I had a decent mum and dad, so that was hard for them.

How did you sort your issues out?

Lots of forgiveness and lots of accountability. I accepted what had happened and saw why. The bottom line was that it could, and does, happen to hundreds of kids, and I chose that route.

I realised that before my mum and dad got divorced, there was a lot of drinking and fighting. And a lot of anger. That disturbed me and confused me as a child. I did a lot of soul-searching about it all.

I met my partner, Jess, around five years ago. I was at a friend’s meditation group, which I’d been going to for several years, and someone brought a mentee to the group. Fate stepped in. We have a four-year-old daughter, Bethany, and a 10-year-old, Maicie, from another relationship.

ABandOfBrothers is a charity which provides mentoring to young men living in the community who have left prison or been in trouble with the law. When did you start working with it?

Six years ago. For a long time I’d wanted to mentor young men who’d had similar experiences to me, and ABandOfBrothers seemed an ideal opportunity to do that. 

How was the Rites of Passage weekend?

It was great, because I felt so ready to do this kind of work. It was men being real with each other. The connection between us was so good. I saw what a huge difference it made to the young men who were going through it. I was moved by men being genuinely caring for each other.

It also helped me massively with expressing my anger. In 12 Steps, anger is frowned upon, whereas with ABandOfBrothers, you learn to express it healthily. Anger is not viewed as being wrong, but men are encouraged to express it within a safe container.

And you have now mentored young men many times?

Yes, it’s great to be of service to young men and older men too. I think I’m useful to young men who are in a similar place around destructive behaviour as I was when I kept being sent back to prison. I’m an example for them of someone who has come through to the other side, and that’s inspiring for them. It helps them see there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I’m mentoring, I prefer to meet them face to face but sometimes it’s a phone call. I let them know too that they can change their peer groups and that helps. It’s similar out there to how it was when I was involved with drugs. Back then, there was a form of County Lines.

My mentoring of young men goes into double figures but in terms of how many I’ve talked to – it’s more like a hundred.

Tell me about your role as a Restorative Justice practitioner.

I learnt a lot from doing it. I got trained up, but because I’d been in prison 25 years ago, it was very difficult to get into Lewes Prison. So I worked a lot with 13- to 18-year-old boys and girls through the police. Restorative Justice was offered to them – in other words, writing a letter of apology or a face-to-face meet-up as a way of avoiding sentencing. Restorative Justice can be so powerful for both parties, and it was my little part in adding to peace in the world. The trouble was I couldn’t share my own past with them; it wasn’t allowed. I always find that sharing my past gives hope to others, so that was frustrating. And the process was very slow. I’m a painter and decorator, I like to get the job done, and it just wasn’t fast enough for me! 

So you left, and you’re waiting to be an NHS peer support mentor?

Yes. I will be working with prisoners, but this time I’ll be able to share my own journey from prison life to ordinary life with them. All the ups and downs. I’ll be doing a lot of signposting for what they might need in terms of jobs, housing or mental health support.